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M*A*S*H character
Frank Burns as portrayed by Larry Linville.
Frank Burns
Rank	Major (captain in Richard Hooker's original novel and later Lieutenant Colonel after leaving)
Gender	Male
Hair color	Brown
Eye color	Blue
Home city	Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA
Film portrayer	Robert Duvall
Television portrayer	Larry Linville
First appearance	M*A*S*H: A Novel About Three Army Doctors
Last appearance	"Margaret's Marriage"

For other characters named Burns, see Burns (disambiguation).

Major Franklin Delano Marion "Frank" Burns, nicknamed "Ferret Face", was a character in the M*A*S*H film and television series. He was portrayed in the film by Robert Duvall, and in the series by Larry Linville. Burns first appeared in the original M*A*S*H novel by Richard Hooker, where he has the rank of captain.

The character is only slightly different in all versions; in the original novel, Burns was a borderline incompetent and egotistical doctor who blamed others for his own shortcomings; in the film, he is also a brooding religious fanatic, while in the television series he is an officious, frenetic, pompous twit obsessed with military order.

Contents 1 Novel 2 Movie 3 Television series 3.1 Personal life 3.2 As a surgeon 3.3 As a soldier 3.4 Departure 4 Decorations 5 Trivia 6 Quotes 7 References & External links

In the original novel, Captain Burns is described as a well-off doctor who had attended medical school but had no true formal training as a surgeon other than a long apprenticeship with his father in Indiana. He comes off as being, therefore, dismissive of those (such as the Swampmen) who actually went through a residency for their training. However, this masks serious shortcomings in his surgical style, which he dismisses as failures of others further in the process. Duke Forrest remarks that when one of Burns' patients dies, "It's either God's will or somebody else's fault." This practice comes to a head when he accuses Private Boone of killing a patient of his, through improper administration of medicine and generally berates him. After a while, both Hawkeye and Trapper assault Frank, in separate incidents. It is this turmoil that causes Blake to nominate Trapper as Chief Surgeon.

Later, after Burns and Houlihan commence a sexual affair, the Swampmen latch onto it, and one day at mess, Hawkeye makes some ribald comments about the relationship. Burns, having reached the limit of his patience, violently assaults Hawkeye. The next day, he is sent away for psychiatric evaluation, leading Duke to remark: "If I nail Hot Lips and punch out Hawk, can I go home, too?"

In the movie, Major Frank Burns (his promotion to major in the film and TV versions was presumably for dramatic and story conflict) is portrayed as a very religious man who prays for all the souls to be saved, but is still not much of a doctor. He also is a firm believer in military discipline who dislikes the undisciplined manner of both Hawkeye Pierce and Trapper John McIntyre. When the new head nurse, Major Margaret "Hot Lips" O'Houlihan (the "O" dropped for the TV series) arrives, the pair soon fall for each other.

When the two meet in O'Houlihan's tent to dictate a letter condemning Hawkeye, Trapper, and Duke, they soon begin having sex. What neither of them know is that a microphone has been planted underneath O'Houlihan's bed. Every sound the pair make during sex is heard in the clerk's office (including O'Houlihan's insistence that Burns kiss her "hot lips", resulting in her legendary nickname). Soon Trapper decides that this has to be shared with the rest of the camp, and he puts Burns and O'Houlihan on the PA.

The next morning, Burns gets into a fight with Hawkeye when the latter asks Burns how O'Houlihan was in bed, demonstrating noises. As a result, Burns attacks Hawkeye physically (with Trapper adding fuel to the fire by warning Hawkeye to watch his privates because Burns is a sex maniac), and is sent to a psychiatric hospital in a straitjacket. This is the last the audience sees of him in the movie.

It should be noted that the film's Major Burns was a combination of two characters from the novel—-the small-minded twit Captain Burns (who had a liaison with Major O'Houlihan, as in the film, but did not live in The Swamp [he was moved out a week after Hawkeye and Duke arrived after they complained to Henry Blake]) and the religious fanatic Major Hobson (whom Hawkeye and Duke had ousted from The Swamp because of his obsessive praying).

In the television series, Major Frank Burns was played by Larry Linville. The character of Frank Burns was said to be diametrically opposite of Larry Linville in real life, who was generally a friendly, courteous, well-read man.^{[citation needed]} (Reportedly, Linville could also be high-strung, and this trait played into his TV character.)^{[citation needed]} He based Burns on "every idiot I've ever known".^{[citation needed]} While the TV Burns would appeal occasionally to religious and moral values (typically in the process of showing himself up), the emphasis in storylines was more on his surgical and personality shortcomings, than on his sanctimony.

Burns is a firm believer in discipline and unwavering patriotism (he keeps a photograph of Joseph McCarthy in his tent, which Hawkeye wrote underneath, "Know your Enema"), and hates the fact that Pierce and McIntyre are so laid back. At the beginning of the series, Burns and Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan are a couple, and their romance scenes were played in a way that could be described as a soap opera parody, with the main jokes being excessive sentimentality, sappy nicknames ("Oh, Margaret, you're my snug harbor--I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you to sail into,"), and casual references to Frank's wife, Louise (whom he is said to have only married for her money). It is hinted at in the second season that Hot Lips really is not happy with Frank and, deep down, she knows he's not the man they both like to think he is, but she clings to him anyway because he's the only other person in the camp who shares her opinion that strict discipline is the only discipline (though even at her worst she showed more humanity than Frank), and because of their common contempt of Hawkeye and Trapper. Though Frank is hopelessly in love with Hot Lips, he is unwilling to divorce his wife; when it was discovered that Louise had heard of the affair and tried to get a divorce, Frank lied about Hot Lips' beauty and the whole affair to get the divorce called off. (He called Margaret, among other things, "an old war-horse" and "an army mule with bosoms." with the livid Hot Lips in return calling Frank a "lipless wonder", a "chinless chipmunk" and earned him a chair being thrown at him) This puzzled Radar, who thought Frank would have been happy to leave his wife and marry Hot Lips, but as Hawkeye noted, Frank did not want to leave "his mommy." (His wife owns the house, and stocks in her name.) Furthermore, Houlihan is not his first extramarital affair; he also slept with his receptionist twice a week back home (4.21). After Houlihan's engagement, Burns confesses in one episode to have a crush on Nurse Kellye (he passes out drunk while having a dance with her), and in yet another episode proposes to Hawkeye and B.J. that all three of them go to "Rosie's Bar" for a "little action".

In 5.22, Frank is shown to have on at least one occasion bought a Korean National Treasure on the Black Market. Despite the fact that he detests enlisted men, several episodes seem to point to Burns as having elements of trust in, if not concern for, Radar. He is also quite simple-minded: when Trapper's friend (2.24), an Army Intelligence officer, is working undercover as an engineering officer, Frank very willingly accepts the man's far-fetched story that the US Army Corps of Engineers is attempting to make MASH hospitals amphibious.
In 4.21, he refuses to believe that a sergeant lost money gambling, on the grounds that gambling has been prohibited, so he concludes that the "missing" money must have been stolen. Even at home he is a klutz; while serving as a Scoutmaster, he accidentally set fire to himself. Frank is also very homophobic. In 2.22, Frank tries to get a decorated soldier dishonorably discharged when he finds out the soldier is a homosexual.

Burns is portrayed as a barely-passable surgeon; throughout the series it is stated that he only became a doctor to please his beloved mother, and/or for the money (more than a few episodes spotlight Frank's seemingly insatiable greed, making it a driving factor in his personality). He admits in different episodes that it took him twice as long to graduate medical school (having flunked out of two), and only passed his first year by buying the answers to a final exam. He stayed in medical school hoping to cure the acne that plagued him beyond his teen years, and would have settled for becoming a male nurse if he'd been able to master folding hospital corners in bedsheets.

Burns' bungling in surgery has led to more than one headache, it is suggested that only the intervention of other doctors has averted the death of his patients in some instances. His inefficient surgical skills are a constant source of humor throughout the series, even after he left.

• In the pilot episode, when Frank is chastising Hawkeye for his behavior in the operating room, Hawkeye replies, "Frank, I happen to be in Korea only because I foolishly accepted an invitation from President Truman to come to this costume party. And as for my ability as a doctor, if you seriously want to question that, then I'm afraid I'll just have to challenge you to a duel." In closing, Hawkeye tells Frank that he must be tired after "all that malpractice" he put in.
• In a later episode, when Hot Lips threatens to file a formal complaint about Hawkeye (who publicly insulted Frank), Hawkeye retorts that he'll file a countercomplaint about Frank "impersonating a doctor and masquerading as a human being!".
• In an episode where Hawkeye is facing a review board for having struck Burns, he is asked whether the alleged assault occurred after questioning Burns' surgical skills; Hawkeye responds that no assault took place and that it's Burns' surgical skills that are alleged.
• In one episode, it is revealed that a soldier operated on by Burns developed complications because Burns had not bothered to externalize the colon after removing a portion of the organ. This soldier required emergency surgery in Tokyo, Japan after developing peritonitis.
• In an episode where Hawkeye is wounded and bedridden, he calls out for a doctor to help another patient in Post-Op. When Burns arrives Hawkeye says: "Oh, Frank, I'm glad you're here. Go get a doctor."
• In the next-to-last episode when the 4077th buries a time capsule, Frank's replacement Major Winchester points out that they did not include any mementos from the "infamous Major Burns", and Hawkeye replies, "I thought about putting in his scalpel, but I didn't want to include any deadly weapons." It was the last mention of Frank ever, with Hawkeye capping it off with one final insult of his long-gone former Swampmate.

Burns' incompetence is also readily apparent to the enlisted men. In an episode where Hawkeye and Trapper arrange for an illegal nose-job for a depressed soldier, they stage an injury to Radar to justify the presence of a plastic surgeon in the camp. Hours later, Burns sees Radar without bandages on his nose, and asks how a broken nose could have healed so quickly. Radar quickly says that it was only sprained and so he was advised to stay off it for a few days. Burns responds: "I'm a doctor, and that's crazy!" to which Radar responds "I've heard that, Sir."

Even the Korean doctors (North and South alike) are aware of Burns's ineptitude. In one such case, Burns is kidnapped by two North Koreans in disguise who plan to use him as a cover to get through a series of checkpoints. However, fed up with their captive's apparent incompetence, they order him out of the jeep as soon as they pass through, telling him, "Go back to your unit. It's the best thing you can do for OUR side!"

During an inquiry (in "Novacaine Mutiny"), Burns quizzes a military lawyer about his service record, and is told, "If you hadn't been drafted as a doctor, you'd probably have been assigned as a pastry chef." (Yet Frank's culinary talents are also suspect; he once was injured in his eye during a sniper attack while trying to crack an egg, an episode he passed off as an injury from "shell fragments" when putting in for a Purple Heart.)

With military weapons, Frank has been shown to be inept. In an early episode, during a poker game he shoots a lamp with a .45 automatic pistol, and in a later episode he runs over Colonel Potter's jeep with a tank (4.5). In 4.13, Frank steals an old fashioned .45 cavalry pistol and then shoots himself in the foot trying to return it to the weapons bin. In 5.7, when Houlihan is "missing", Burns accidentally shoots B.J. Hunnicutt and causes a flesh wound in his leg, this earned him the epithet, Hop-A-Long Ferret Face. Another time, he nearly kills himself with phony heroics when he takes the pin out of a grenade and throws the pin away.

Burns often tried to undermine Commanding Officer Lt. Col Henry Blake due to Blake's rather lax approach to those under his command and in his desire to take control himself. Several times he goes over Blake's head to complain about events at the camp; one example of this is when Pierce was appointed Chief Surgeon over him; he then appealed directly to General Barker (Sorrell Booke). Initially ready to send Hawkeye packing, Barker winds up so thoroughly impressed with him that he tells Col. Blake to give Burns a high colonic and send him on a ten-mile hike with a full pack as punishment for wasting his time. Henry once threatened to note in Frank's personnel file that Frank did not work and play well with others. Frank spent most of his time on the series battling and antagonizing virtually everyone in the camp, specifically his tentmates and commanding officers. By the fifth season, he was the show's main antagonist and, essentially, the closest thing the series had to an actual villain, aside from the North Koreans; a fact commented on by B.J. upon hearing of his removal ("This reduces the enemy to just North Korea!")

Burns also seems to not know Army regulations as well as he says he does. In Officer Of The Day, when Col. Flagg brought a prisoner to be treated so he could execute him later, and Hawkeye and Trapper refuse to release him, Frank ordered them to release him, which is against Army regulations. However, he may well have ignored the regulations in order to curry favor with Flagg. This would not be first time that Burns has gone against Army regulations in order to gain favor of a superior officer. In Officers Only, when Hawkeye informed General Mitchell that his son could not enter the newly built Officers Club because his son was a private, Burns (as well as Houlihan) stated that General Mitchell's son should be allowed to enter the club, although that would be against Army regulations. Despite his bullying and gung-ho patriotism, in several episodes, Burns shows himself to be a panicky coward in crisis situations. One trademark feature of Burns is that when he is drunk, happy, or asleep, he lets out an irritating, high screech of a laugh.

When Blake left, and died on his way home, Burns (who actually cried when he heard of Blake's death, one of the few times he ever showed any genuine humanity) was initially slated to take command of the camp. However, the Army soon appointed a new Commanding Officer, Sherman T. Potter. Burns was so upset that he ran away to sulk and returned several days later. Everyone except Burns liked the new CO from the start, even Major Houlihan. Burns did not get along with Potter, often making insulting comments regarding Potter's age. Potter in turn referred to Burns as the camp's "head twerp". During various episodes, Burns is almost always filing charges against nearly anyone and everyone who dares to go against him or even mildly disagree with him, most especially Hawkeye Pierce, whom he clearly despises. In the episode, "Ping Pong", he vows to go to General Harrellson, to put a stop to the antics of a wedding between a Korean Ping-Pong player and his fiancee, but Margaret puts him in his place. Even during the wedding, Burns, who is the only officer not dressed in his formal Military uniform, vowed that the camp wouldn't get away with this wedding and that he would go to a General about it, but Margaret, who was also involved with the wedding, forcefully tells him to shut up.

Eventually, Burns and Houlihan had a falling out. Houlihan married Donald Penobscot, another career military officer, and wasted few opportunities praising Donald and her love for him. The two left on their honeymoon, leaving Frank alone and heartbroken, despite the fact he was already married. During their honeymoon, Burns was sent on leave to Seoul. While there, he suffered a breakdown and started running wild throughout the city with the Military Police in pursuit until he accosted a General's wife (whom he mistakenly thought was Houlihan) in a public bath. As a result of a psychiatric examination after his capture, he was sent back to the States. Potter, Radar, Pierce and B.J. have one last toast in Frank's honor. Hawkeye's last words on the matter are: "Goodbye, Ferret Face!" However, Burns has the proverbial "last laugh": to everyone's disgust, he is promoted to Lieutenant Colonel, and posted to a VA Hospital in Indiana. Burns was replaced with Major C.E. Winchester III, who by contrast, was considered an excellent surgeon even by the people who disliked him. Winchester also had a relatively more bearable personality.

Burns was written out of the series at the request of Linville. Linville (who once commented that there was actually a very dark aura hovering over Frank, that Frank was not all that stable, yet still operating on patients) felt that the character of Frank Burns had gone as far as it possibly could, with the way the series had developed.

Several times throughout the series, the awards that Major Burns had earned during his service in the army could be seen on his uniform. He had earned the following:

National Defense Service Medal

Korean Service Medal

United Nations Service Medal

At least twice Burns tried to claim a Purple Heart for minor injuries he incurred at the camp, but quick work by Hawkeye and either Trapper or B.J. made sure Frank could never keep the spurious award, One medal (for throwing his back out dancing with Major Houlihan) goes to a wounded GI (1.17), and the other medal (for an eggshell fragment in his eye from breaking open a hard-boiled egg) is awarded to a just-delivered wounded baby (4.9), although this time he does keep the ribbon badge and will probably get a replacement Purple Heart medal to go with it.

Trivia sections are discouraged under Wikipedia guidelines. The article could be improved by integrating relevant items and removing inappropriate ones.

• In 1.10, a picture of Frank Burns' mother is seen; in fact, it is a "stock picture" which can be seen in a Tarzan movie.
• Twice in the series Frank has his wrist nearly broken, once by "Buzz Brighton" (Leslie Nielsen) in 1.16, and once by a Korean General in 4.17.
• In 4.12 Burns leaves all his money to his wife, all profits from his prescription kickbacks to his children - and his clothes to a flabbergasted Maj. Houlihan.
• One of Frank's ongoing quotes is "That'll be the day", which he says after Hawkeye says somthing nice to him.

"You've slandered one of the finest Americans since my father."

"Well i wouldn't kill just anyone Margaret."

"Nobody double dares me and gets away with it!"

"Oh pish posh."

[During a Korean wedding] "They won't get away with this! General Harrellson will hear about this!" (thereafter Margaret replies, "Oh, shut up!")

"Oh, cockypop!"

"Oh, go practice your putts!"

[To Margaret, after learning that Pierce and not he, will perform Margaret's appendectomy], "I hope you get a great big scar!!!" (and before that) "I should be doing this operation! I know Major Houlihan's appendix better than any of you!"

"We all know it's brutal up there at the front, especially those of us at the rear."

"I'm sick of hearing about the wounded. What about all the thousands of wonderful guys who are fighting this war without any of the credit or the glory that always goes to those lucky few who just happen to get shot."

"Margaret, I get so excited when you say the word excited. (Frank, Margret) We're so lucky to be two of the few and not two of the many."

• Kalter, Suzy (1984). The Complete Book Of M*A*S*H. Harry N. Abrams, inc., New York, 235-240. ISBN 0810913194. 
  
• Finest-Kind.net - M*A*S*H website with character profile
• Best Care Anywhere - M*A*S*H website with character profile

Preceded by None	Second-in-command of MASH 4077th (TV series) 1972-1975	Succeeded by Margaret Houlihan
Preceded by Henry Blake	Commanding Officer of MASH 4077th (TV series) 1975 (interim)	Succeeded by Sherman T. Potter
Preceded by Margaret Houlihan	Second-in-command of MASH 4077th (TV series) 1975-1977	Succeeded by Charles Emerson Winchester III

v • d • e M*A*S*H
Film:	MASH · Differences between book, film and TV versions of M*A*S*H · "Suicide Is Painless"
TV series:	M*A*S*H (episodes: Season 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11; finale; guest stars) · Trapper John, M.D. · AfterMASH · W*A*L*T*E*R
Characters:	Hawkeye Pierce · Trapper John McIntyre · Duke Forrest · B.J. Hunnicutt · Henry Blake · Sherman T. Potter · Frank Burns · Margaret Houlihan · Charles Winchester · Radar O'Reilly · Father Mulcahy · Maxwell Klinger · Nurse Kellye · Igor Straminsky · Luther Rizzo · Sidney Freedman · Col. Flagg · Spearchucker Jones · Ugly John · Walter Koskiusko Waldowski · Ho-Jon · Nurse Bigelow · Lieutenant Dish · Donald Penobscot · Zelmo Zale · Staff Sgt. Vollmer
Books:	MASH: A Novel About Three Army Doctors · M*A*S*H Goes to Maine