Kirk Van Houten
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| The Simpsons character | |
| Kirk Van Houten | |
| Age | 40 |
|---|---|
| Gender | Male |
| Hair color | Blue, balding |
| Job | Former cracker manufacturing employee |
| Relatives | Son: Milhouse Wife: Luann Cousin (Implied): Luann Parents: Nana and Unnamed (father) |
| First appearance | Bart's Friend Falls in Love |
| Voice actor | Hank Azaria |
Kirk Van Houten is a fictional character on the animated television series The Simpsons, voiced by Hank Azaria. He is the father of Milhouse, and the ex-husband of Luann.
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Kirk has been portrayed as a stereotypical middle-aged male loser and dead-beat dad. Much of Mr. Van Houten's character revolves around his extreme emotional depression after his divorce from his wife Luann. Luann got custody of Milhouse when they divorced, but Kirk has visiting rights and is often seen with Milhouse in later episodes. Much to his displeasure, Milhouse often addresses him as "Weekend Dad". Kirk suffers from the need to cry all the time after his divorce, even at positive times. Luann is required to pay him alimony.
Kirk's parents also divorced, when Kirk was a child. His mother lives by herself in Springfield on 257th St., while his father travels the county searching for adventure in his RV with his new wife.
Kirk previously served in the U.S. Army. He also has a degree from the fictional Gudger College.
He initially worked at his father-in-law's cracker factory, Southern Cracker, in middle management. Later in the series, Kirk and Luann get divorced. When Luann leaves, Kirk is fired from the factory (since his boss is Luann's father and he considers crackers a "family food"). Kirk's job performance was likely also a factor in his dismissal, as Luann noted that his "complete lack of business sense and managerial impotence" caused the number-one cracker company in Springfield to fall into a tie for sixth with the dismal "Table Time" and "Allied Biscuit".
Kirk moves into a depressing, rundown singles community and tries to start a new career as a singer-songwriter. His demo tape, Can I Borrow a Feeling? left Homer in hysterics.
Kirk also revealed in the episode "I Am Furious Yellow", where he attends his son's school on career day, that he was employed as an assistant to the guy who puts fliers under people's windshield wipers. Kirk also had a job standing on the curb holding a sign directing people to a condo development and currently works as a scarecrow protecting a soy-bean crop, which resulted in one of his eyes being gouged by a crow. Since being fired from the cracker company, Kirk seems to be unable to find and keep a steady job. He once shouted at Luann that she had to keep up the alimony payments she owed him, and he has also been seen at the Springfield unemployment office, perhaps suggesting that alimony and unemployment benefits are his only steady sources of income.
His love life is terrible after Luann, unlike hers which sees her dating the then-bachelor Apu and having a long relationship with Heavyweight Gladiator Pyro, amongst others. He has taken part in various dating schemes.
Kirk dated what seemed like a poorly disguised sleazy prostitute under the name of Starla. He took her to Moe's Tavern but it ended badly when she asked for his keys, then drove off with his car, tossing his singing mixtape out the window. She tricked him by saying she was going to change wigs.
Kirk was put in jail in "Pranksta Rap" for kidnapping Bart, but Kirk enjoyed his time in prison due to the numerous conjugal visits he was getting from the desperate women of Springfield. (See Hybristophilia.)
In one episode, half of his arm is cut off by a wire placed between two trees by Snake to try and get his car back from Homer Simpson. He is later seen at the unemployment office with a cast on. Bart also suggested him and Milhouse cut his leg off once to get sympathy from Luann.
Homer and Kirk's relationship seems to be quite random. At times they are seen to be having good talks together but Homer mocks him at other times, which is not unlike the relationship between their sons, with Bart going so far as to get Milhouse featured on America's Most Wanted as a prank.
In Milhouse of Sand and Fog, the Van Houtens are on the verge of reuniting, so Bart and Milhouse try copying a stupid stunt from a parody of The O.C. to try and get them separated again. This backfires, and results in Homer and Marge almost separating again.
The two then try another idea, attempting to push a fake Bart off the side of a waterfall, which also backfires. At the end of the episode, Milhouse jumps over the side, screaming "I don't want to live in a world without Bart!" Marge asks if Milhouse can swim, to which Bart's reply is "What do you think?" Since then, Kirk and Luann are often seen together again, apparently still dating each other. But, once again, they are separated in an episode where Homer becomes an Ice Cream Man, when he is obviously seen at a single father meeting with Milhouse. In subsequent recent episodes after this however, the Van Houtens are together. Although Kirk being a hopeless bachelor will no doubt continue to be something of a minor running joke, it seems that he and Luann are together again for good.