Mean Machine

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Promotional poster for Mean Machine
Promotional poster for Mean Machine

Mean Machine is a 2001 British comedy/drama film, directed by Barry Skolnick. It stars former English footballer Vinnie Jones. The film is an adaptation of the 1974 American movie The Longest Yard, featuring football (soccer) rather than American football.

Contents

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Danny Meehan, a former captain of England's national football team, who was banned for fixing a match between England and Germany, is sentenced to three years in Longmarsh prison after assaulting two police officers while drunk. Once inside, he is promptly beaten by the prison guards for misbehaving, and is subsequently approached by the prison warden. The warden offers Meehan a job as coach of the prison guard's football team. Not wanting to make enemies with the other prisoners, Meehan declines, and instead offers to train a practice team for the guards consisting of other inmates, who will take them on in a match.

Meehan ends up with the resident contraband dealer, Massive, as his right-hand man. He also receives advice from ancient convict, Doc, who teaches Meehan prison lore.

Meehan is then occupied with the task of training up his team of cons, with a violent con named Monk (Jason Statham) as his star player. It is all going well until he faces a problem prior to the game, as the warden attempts to blackmail. At first he puts his own life before that of the team's, but as the final moments of the game tick down, he redeems himself, and wins the game for the cons.

Tagline: Not Your Usual Suspects

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