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Shave and a Haircut, and the associated response, "two bits", is a simple (7 or 8 note) musical couplet sometimes used at the end of a musical performance (or, much less often, at the beginning). The seven-note variant is often called the world's shortest complete song,^{[citation needed]} having an introduction (one note), a question (two notes), a response (two more notes), and a conclusion (the final two notes).

The first known occurrence of the tune is from an 1899 Charles Hale song, "At a Darktown Cakewalk." Other songs from the same period also used the tune. In 1939 Dan Shapiro, Lestor Lee and Milton Berle released "Shave and a Haircut—Shampoo" which featured the tune in the closing bars, and is thought to be the origin of the lyrics. Over time the phrase has permutated through several variations.

The tune is associated with a profane insult in Mexico. Whistling the tune or using a car horn to play it is considered highly offensive. The insult is "Chinga tu madre, cabrón" (where cabrón represents the final two notes, and can be used as a response), which can be translated as "Go fuck your mother, you bastard."^{[citation needed]}

There are endless references. The tune has been used as a "wrap-up" countless times on various numbers performed through the years. One variant was postulated in a Far Side cartoon. A conductor is leading a rehearsal of a symphony orchestra, and he makes the following announcement:

• "All right, I don't know who's doing it, but in the concert we will NOT be concluding the symphony with Shave and a Haircut!"

There are either 7 or 8 notes, depending on whether the 3rd note, the F-sharp, is used. When it is used, the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th notes become a triplet, as in the West Side Story example below. Also included are the notes based on the sheet music shown above:

7 6 6 -6B 6 | R -7 567 R

C G G Ab G | R B C R

"Shave and a hair-cut, two bits"

7 6 -5# 6 -6B 6 | R -7 567 R

C G F# G Ab G | R B C R

"Gee, Off-i-cer Krup-ke, Krup you!" (from West Side Story)

"Shave and a Haircut" featured in many early cartoons, played on things varying from car horns to window shutters banging in the wind. Decades later, the couplet became a plot device in the film Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the idea being that Toons cannot resist obeying cartoon conventions. Judge Doom uses this to lure Roger Rabbit out of hiding at the Terminal Bar by circling the room and tapping out the five beats on the walls. The scene mainly uses the non-musical variant, simply knocking on a solid surface, employing the rhythm but not the melody of the tune, though on the last of Doom's repetitions, he softly sings the words to the beat, and Roger, at the limit of his self-control, bursts through the wall and sings (nearly shouting) "...TWOOO BIIITTS!" in response.

In an episode of M*A*S*H, Radar was talking to Hawkeye as he was finishing up his shave. Hawkeye sang the phrase: "Figaro, Figaro, Figarooooooooo . . . Shave and a Haircut, Two Bits." Radar, who didn't realize Hawkeye just added that ending to be funny, said: "Oh! So that's where that comes from!" Hawkeye just rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything.

In the film What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Gilbert sings the tune to his mentally handicapped brother to calm him down, using the words, "Match in the gas tank" (to which his brother replies, "Boom boom").

That phrase is also sometimes added to an old song about a Model T Ford, at the end of each verse: "Match in the gas tank--no Ford!"

An old Volkswagen advertising slogan used the tune with the words, "Volkswagen Does It...Again".

"Six bits" is a variation on the famous ditty, likely a regional preference or an increase in barber prices over the years.

Although the phrase is often stated as the source for the Bo Diddley beat, in fact Bo Diddley based his rhythm on the superficially similar clave rhythm.

The Canadian comedian Nardwuar the Human Serviette will always end interviews with "Keep on rockin' in the free world, and the "doot doola doot doo..." of "Shave and a Haircut", to which the interviewee must respond with the final "doot doo!" before Nardwuar will let them go.

Early computer games often featured the tune when the player lost a life. The most famous of these games must surely be the classic Head Over Heels.^{[citation needed]}

An early recording used the 7-note tune at both the beginning and the ending of a humorous 1915 song, by Billy Murray and the American Quartet, called "On the 5:15".

The comic song "A Transport of Delight" by Flanders and Swann (about a London double-decker bus) contains several instances of the tune sung to the words "Ninety-seven 'orsepower om-ni-bus!" and concludes with the phrase played on the piano, followed by the spoken words "Hold very tight please!" and two discordant piano stabs.

Canadian sportscaster Don Taylor includes the tune in highlights featuring former Toronto Blue Jays and current Texas Rangers outfielder Frank Catalanotto. Examples of this include, "Frank Catalanotto...base hit," and "Frank Catalanotto...home run."

The opening theme for The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson had no clear musical conclusion; it was essentially "circular". Doc Severinsen and the band would run it through its cycle two or three times, depending on the duration of the guest list being announced by Ed McMahon, and the amount of applause when Carson would make his entrance. At the appropriate moment, the band would abruptly end the theme tune with "Shave and a Haircut," including a raucous, discordant, and always-changing "TWO BITS."

"Weird Al" Yankovic used the as part of the closing portion for four of his polka medleys; Hooked On Polkas, The Alternative Polka, Polka Power, and Polkarama!. In three of these four polkas, minus Hooked On Polkas, the "honking" sound was added right before the "two bits".

The Damned use the tune twice, played on guitar and drums, during the fade-out of Anti-pope, track five from their 1979 album Machine Gun Etiquette.

Many episodes of Camp Lazlo feature the whole tune at the end or at least the last two notes.

In some of his Discworld books, Terry Pratchett refers to this, but using the words "Shave and a haircut- no legs!" as a reference to the Guild of Barber-Surgeons in his fictional Ankh-Morpork.

One of the more artful uses of 'shave and a haircut' can be found in Dave Brubeck's Unsquare Dance. Besides managing to incorporate the phrase into the song's unorthodox 7/8 time signature, at the very end of the song, right after referencing Turkey in the Straw, he puts a little musical twist on the old well known musical couplet by inserting it twice in rapid succession, cleverly taking advantage of the fact that it begins and ends on the same note.

Extreme used the tune on the song "Play With Me".

Early Barney & Friends episodes used the tune at the end of the show's closing credits.

Another alternate version is "How's your father? -- Alright!"

P D Q Bach used that phrase in German, translate in the Blaurgrasse Cantata,(Bluegrass Cantata) translated as "Shave and a haircut, two please"

The tune was used at the end of the Pinky and the Brain opening theme song.

Tom Lehrer used the "Shave and a Haircut, Two Bits" motive at the very end of his song "The Elements"

Ferrente and Teicher used that motive in the middle of their Stephen Foster medley, during a live concert, after playing "Turkey in the Straw" (Not written by Foster)

The shortest recorded song, is by Les Paul and Mary Ford, from the 1950s, with "Shave and a haircut" on one side of the record, while "Two Bits" is on the other side of the record.

In the final part of the Nichols and May skit, "Everybody's doing it now", by Irving Berlin, Nichols says "And one more", followed by the pianist playing the "Shave and a Haircut, Two" without the "Bits" leaving the listener hanging.

In a drum solo by Mike Portnoy of Dream Theater (Which can be found on the live album Once in a Livetime), he uses the tone on his drumset, letting the audience shout out the ending two notes.

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