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“The Package”
Seinfeld episode
Jerry, refusing delivery of the package.
Episode no.	Season 8 Episode 139
Written by	Jennifer Crittenden
Directed by	Andy Ackerman
Original airdate	October 17, 1996
Season 8 episodes
Seinfeld - Season 8 September 1996 - May 1997
The Foundation The Soul Mate The Bizarro Jerry The Little Kicks The Package The Fatigues The Checks The Chicken Roaster The Abstinence The Andrea Doria The Little Jerry The Money The Comeback The Van Buren Boys The Susie The Pothole The English Patient The Nap The Yada Yada The Millennium The Muffin Tops The Summer of George
List of Seinfeld episodes

"The Package" is the 139th episode of the sitcom Seinfeld. This was the fifth episode for the eighth season. It was first broadcast on October 17, 1996.

Elaine has a rash and looks for a doctor who will treat her, despite her doctor-patient relationship reputation. Kramer offers Jerry a method to get a refund on his stereo that is two years out of warranty. George discovers the woman at the photo store (Heather Campbell) is looking at his pictures. Jerry refuses delivery of a package with no return address. George thinks that the photo store clerk has stuck a revealing picture of herself in with his pictures. Kramer convinces George to return the compliment and offers to take the photos. Uncle Leo signs for Jerry's package. Elaine tries to lift her medical records. Jerry lets Uncle Leo open the package and there is the sound of an explosion. Leo's stove has exploded but eventually Jerry gets the package and opens it up. It contains his stereo in pieces. Kramer sent the package to him insured; now all they must do is collect the insurance money from the post office. Elaine poses as Uncle Leo's nurse to try a diagnosis for her condition. When that doesn't work she tries to get Kramer (who poses as the fictitious Dr. Van Nostrand) to lift her records. Newman grills Jerry on suspicion of mail fraud. George drops off his film at the photo store and gets a surprising result.

• Jerry: So, we're going to make the post office pay for my new stereo, now?
  Kramer: It's a write off for them.
  Jerry: How is it a write off?
  Kramer: They just write it off.
  Jerry: Write it off what?
  Kramer: Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
  Jerry: You don't even know what a write off is.
  Kramer: Do you?
  Jerry: No, I don't!
  Kramer: But, they do. And they're the ones writing it off.
  Jerry: I wish I could have the last twenty seconds of my life back.

• Kramer: George, it's the timeless art of seduction. You got to join in the dance. She sends you an enticing photograph, you send her one right back.
  George: Well, I don't know."
  Kramer: Well, as you know, I've always been something of a photog."
  Jerry: Oh, yeah, I like this idea.

• [Leo has received the package that Jerry refused to sign for, out of fear that it could be a bomb]
  Uncle Leo: [over the phone] Jerry! I just got your package. Why wouldn't you sign for it?
  George: Ask Leo to open it.
  Jerry: I'm not gonna use my uncle like some kind of bomb defusing robot!
  Uncle Leo: Jerry! Your cousin Jeffrey just got the lead in a play produced by the parks department. I want you to come see it!
  Jerry: Open the package Leo.

• Doctor: Leo, I don't care for your demeanor. [Leo's eyebrows have just been burned off, and so Elaine, hoping to "fix" his appearance, draws on a new set of eyebrows with a marker. Leo's doctor is startled by his new, somewhat creepy, appearance.]

• Veteran Simpsons voice actor Phil Hartman makes an uncredited voice appearance in this episode as the man who wakes Elaine to confirm the spelling of her surname.